The power of human connection: 5 ways to reconnect this week
In February 2022 I gave birth to a beautiful little boy. The challenges of motherhood have been varied and intense, but it has also been a year full of joy, laughter and love. One thing I wasn’t prepared for in becoming a new mum is the isolation. This past year has been one of the loneliest of my life so far. With fears around nap schedules, the incredible effort it takes to get a baby ready for the outside world and exhaustion like I’ve never felt before, it has been easy to allow social connection to become less and less of a priority in my life. (Not to mention and unbelievable lack of desire to put ‘real’ clothes on or spend time doing my hair and make-up.)
Now that we are a year in, I am starting to really feel the impact of the lack of connection on my mind and body. I am lucky to work from home and to work with my wonderful mum, and in that work, we have been considering connection and its impact on us as people and a society.
Across social media we are faced with a barrage of ways to stay healthy. Fitness ‘gurus’, exercise tips from personal trainers, nutrition advice; it is easy to see why we put so much onus onto the benefits of good nutrition and exercise to live well. What we miss by shifting focus to these methods alone, is the knowledge of the impact social connection has on us as humans.
The COVID-19 pandemic, along with it’s troubles and lasting effects has brought us an insight into the harsh realities of the effects of loneliness on humans. Research shows, that loneliness and the lack of social connection can be more harmful to our health (physical as well as mental) than obesity, smoking and high blood pressure.
It’s pretty easy to allow social connection to fall to the wayside of our priority list. Society is designed to keep us busy, with work, family commitments, health and self-care taking up so much of our time we are left to fill the little time left with ‘connection’ we find on social media. It’s not uncommon for us to allow social media connection to take the place of real-life social interactions. But the science of connection shows links between higher social media usage and feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Where spending too much time (2 hours plus) on social media can lead to increased isolation and loneliness, social connection and interaction has a whole host of health benefits that mean we really need to start prioritising connection for our health and wellbeing. Spending quality time with others has been shown to lower anxiety and depression, help regulate emotions, gives rise to higher self esteem and empathy and can also improve the immune system.
We know that spending time with others triggers the release of dopamine and oxytocin which you may already recognise as the ‘happy’ chemicals that help regulate our response to stress and anxiety. Human contact also lowers cortisol, the stress hormone that when stored in our bodies for long periods of time, leads to pain and so much more.
In today’s world we have been conditioned to see technology as an improvement on connection. But we need to recognise the possibility that it makes us more disconnected than ever before. To start to address this balance we first need to consider managing our use of social media.
Reduce your time on social media
There are plenty of apps available to help us tract our social media use. The science suggests aiming for no more than 30 minutes a day if you can, but to keep it below two hours at the very least!
Call instead of text
I know we are a generation of texters. I am absolutely the person who will let an unknown number ring and then text them to find out who was calling. But with family I am trying to increase my calls and reduce the number of texts I send a day. By trying to spend a little time each day with different people on video or audio calls, I can guarantee an adult conversation at least once, which as a work from home mum with a toddler who’s conversational expertise is yelling ‘dada’ at the top of his voice or whispering ‘wow’ at any given moment is absolutely invaluable.
Save updates for in-person
I know how easy it is to share the joyful moments of our day to day on social media. With the introduction of stories, it is easier than ever to send updates to people around the world with our exciting news. Next time you have something wonderful to share, take a moment to plan in a face-to-face meeting and share your news in person before you post it.
“Spending quality time with others has been shown to lower anxiety and depression, help regulate emotions, gives rise to higher self esteem and empathy and can also improve the immune system. ”
Once we start to rebalance our use of social media, we start to see the benefits of not feeling so lonely and isolated. It’s still hard to plan in and be connected when we aren’t used to it so here are 5 ideas you could try this week to experience some connection.
1. Spend INTENTIONAL time with your partner/spouse/family or room mate
Even as husband and wife it is easy to become ‘ships that pass in the night’ and spend your time together but with no connection. This week, plan in some real time to connect with those around you. You could spend an hour after putting the kids to bed with the TV off, catch up on your week or use some conversation starters to get a little deeper. You could plan in a dinner with your room mate, decide who’s cooking the main and who’s cooking dessert and get sat at the table – spending time together with food is an activity revered in so many cultures, maybe it’s time to try it.
2. Turn off your phone
There is nothing worse than trying to have a conversation with someone who constantly looks at and checks their phone. When we do it, it means we aren’t taking time to actively listen to the person.
The next time you plan to spend time with someone, turn off your phone. I know the realities of life, work and parenthood mean that you may need to be accessible in emergencies, but most smart phones come with a ‘Do not disturb’ feature that limits notifications and only allows calls of the most important people to come through.
3. Organise a catch up call with someone you haven’t spoken to in a while
Look, it’s absolutely ok to not be constantly accessible. It’s ok to take your time to reply and to not be in contact with people all of the time. I always know my best friendships, because when we reconnect after a period of time, there is no judgement and a complete acceptance that life is busy. Why not take some time to organise a catch up this week with that friend. The one you haven’t seen while and really talk to them. It means a lot to set aside some real time to talk to someone.
4. Send a letter to an extended family member
Face-to-face connection is incredible, but let’s not forget the joy receiving a handwritten letter brings! I know that with some family members, and even some of my friends, that letter writing is a way to reignite connection.
Think of someone you haven’t spoken to in a while and write them a letter. Here are some prompts if you’d like some help getting started:
· Tell them how you are.
· What is going on for you at work recently?
· Has anything exciting happened to you recently?
· Tell them a funny joke.
· Include a recent photo of yourself.
5. Play 5ft – 10ft
My mum sent me this little challenge to try over the course of a day but it has become incorporated into my daily life!
How it works:
When someone comes within 10ft of you – smile at them.
When someone comes within 5ft of you – smile at them and say hello.
It’s amazing what such a small act of connection can do both for you and the person you’re connecting with. I do this on my morning walk and can guarantee that I feel happier returning home than if I were to ignore everyone.
I am absolutely not suggesting that if you’re an introvert, you need to become a social butterfly. Connection looks different for each and every one of us. For some it may be spending time in large groups, whereas for others it may be playing a board game with your best friend.
However connection looks for you, prioritise it. You deserve it.